by Otieno Lynn

When hitting the road is one of your favorite things to do then you can’t help but…well this is my “type of traveller’s version of the truth”LOL

The Talker.
He is sitting at the back of the van but those seated in front can hear his voice loud and clear. He is in the company of his fellow Luhya and they’re entertaining the whole bus. He is proud, arrogant and his accent is the least of his worries.

The Eater
This traveller’s mouth is ever engaged. He carried with him food and is also keen on ensuring that his stock doesn’t run out.He is mixing all sorts of foods and will at one point request the driver to stop the car in a bushy stretch so that he can run for a quick dump.

The Caller.
This one is worse than the Luhya brothers. She’s on her phone throughout the journey and by the time y’all get to your destination everyone in the car will know that:
She has a house help she doesn’t like
Her husband wears shorts over the weekend and he owns brown sandals.
That she is a senior employee at equity bank.
That she has a double door Samsung fridge.
That she pays school fees for several members of her extended family.
That her husband is called Tony.
And that she is Luo.

The Omnipresent
This one keeps receiving and making calls from and to different people and he keeps lying to them about his location. To some he says he is at home, to some he is bedridden and to some “yuko tu kwa mtaa ” and to some anaenda ocha.
He is also the guy who repairs electronics in the hood runs the litest mali mali shop in the area.

The Quiet One
This one doesn’t speak or look at any one. If she gets the window seat, she’ll just keep staring at trees or counting them perhaps, or read a book or maybe just spend the the entire time looking at her phone. She has attitude from here to Timbuktu and won’t even move a little to enable you click your seat belt into place.

The Prayer Warrior.
He has a drum, is adorned in a white robe and has paired that with a white kofia. He’ll request to pray for y’all before the journey commences and very once in a while you’ll hear him humming a gospel song or even hitting his drum in solemn prayer.

The Eligible Bachelor
This one is sharply dressed and is averagely good looking. He will make subtle passes at the female seated next to her and even make attempts to help her remove non existent blanket lint from her hair.If his seatmate is a man or an older woman, you’ll see him stealing suggestive glances at the quiet one and offer to buy her lunch if a stop over is involved. SMH.

The Free Spirit.
This one will be speaking to everyone in the bus and seems to always be in a good mood. I think it’s also important to add that most of the time he is a man who probably got some in the morning before he left home. We women can count the number of hours in a month when we are in such a perfect mood. This traveler is always ready to help.

The Tour Guide.
This one is more often than not in the company of another person, close to him, male or female and is always informing everyone albeit sub consciously on the progress of the journey.You will hear him say things like ” This is the spot where president Daniel Moi was circumcised “

The Hopeless Romantic 
She is in her twenties and traveling in the company of her husband or boyfriend or whoever.But in a bus full of people she’s never met before, she still feels the need to ‘mark territory’. Note that they are coming from the house together and will still go back eventually.The prayer warrior is side eyeing them and wishing that the Lord fires thunder at them.But what is with this EEXTRAA PDA?We didn’t travel all the way to steal ya man sis.We want to see the world!

Which traveler are you? Let me know in the comments section below!

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Unknown September 2, 2018 - 12:12 pm

Hey. . A nice article. The caller lol! I can never be. Depending on how I woke up, the quiet one or the free spirited one.

Otieno Lynn September 2, 2018 - 12:18 pm

quiet is better…lol


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